How to Resolve the War between the Voices in Your Head
Dreamer : It’s about time. You’ve obeyed the norms of society and fulfilled everyone’s wishes until now. You must quit your job and do what makes YOU happy. Defender : This is going to put everything you achieved at stake. Do you just want to be crazy and lose it all ? Dreamer : But your happiness comes first. Stop worrying what others will think and embark on this new journey. It will be FUN ! Defender : No way! Do you remember those late nights at the library dreaming about this job ? Do you just want to behave like an irresponsible person and forsake the stability you have attained in your life ? Dreamer : Are you truly happy now ? Just quit if the answer is NO Defender : You are being self-centered. Think beyond yourself.
Seems like a familiar conversation you may have had at some point in your life ?
Before you hit the panic button, let me tell you its completely normal to have your dreamer and defender personalities talk to each other to come to a conclusion. Most often we are advised to hit the shut down button for the mind and avoid the varied pictures it paints, leaving us in a state of despair. But have you succeeded in doing so ?
The truth is your mind will never cease to think and throw its opinions in all forms — sometimes bright and colorful to dark and gloomy. The voice of the ‘ Dreamer ’ in you is the flamboyant player at the biggest casino wanting to go all-in on every occasion. It is the dreamers duty to paint the optimistic portrait with beautiful scenery and motivate you to take that leap of faith and explore your deepest desires.
Entering with caution is your ‘ Defender ’. No, you don’t need to outcast the defender because you read a quote saying ‘ listen to your heart ’. The voice of the defender may be one ridden with fear and uncertainty, but it only offers the much needed cautionary tale before you decide to climb Everest without a jacket. This voice is the protection you need from being blindsided by the optimism of the dreamer.
Most often our minds are torn between ‘ This is what I really want ’ and ‘ Maybe this isn’t the right time ’. The war between the voices in our head leads to an unhappy state of existence because we all fail to come to closure with ourselves. If your mind is obsessing over nonsense as opposed to important decisions, you may want to read Are You Taming your Monkey Mind?
So how do you resolve this unending conflict between the voices in your head ?
1. SWITCH TO AIRPLANE MODE
Can you focus on your best friends story over the phone while watching an episode of Breaking Bad ? Then why assume you can make the most important decisions in your life without listening keenly to the voices in your head.
The next time you are facing a decision dilemma, stop and switch to airplane mode. No, the world won’t come crashing down if you miss that deal alert from Amazon. Each voice is a perspective that no other person can offer. Your voices demand your attention, so go on, press that button of silence and listen.
2. WRITE THE PLAY
You’ve been keenly listening to your mind in silence, but its important to organize and structure these thoughts to thoroughly analyze your situation. Express every point of view as if it were a one act play with the voices in your head.
Develop an understanding with each voice to maintain a clear dialogue and feature every perspective in its totality with an unbiased open mind. You are writing to improve your current state of existence, so don’t skimp on the ink and let it flow organically. Writing will provide you with a sense of direction and alignment, diminishing the need to resort to external factors for decision making.
3. THE CURTAIN OPENS
It’s time for that much awaited closure your voices have been struggling to come to terms with. We often say that the answer lies within your heart, but the reality is it requires a thorough analysis of every point of view to prevent ourselves from making any irrational decisions.
When you are done listening to, writing for and analyzing the details, the grand curtain opens in style with a well defined clarity sitting in the front row of the audience.
If you were thinking of quitting your day job to start a business, your dreamer voice would present you with the beautiful office in a tall skyscraper with a sea view that could come your way, but it will be your defender voice that will enable you to plan strategically. The defender will urge you to ascertain a financial and mental stability before diving hastily into the entrepreneurial pool.
Understand the importance each voice plays in your life and while you listen carefully, note that your thoughts are NOT your identity. I’ve recently faced this dilemma and this exercise has helped me immensely to make a crucial decision in my life. I’d love for you to share your experience with this exercise, and if you know of better ways to end the battle of voices. I hope you surprise yourself while having fun with your thoughts !
Self-Reflection is the School of Wisdom
Carpe Diem !